In Bed with Red
by blddmn
Summary: My take on what happens when Draco and Ginny come together in the bedroom. No romance whatsoever and a great deal of cursing. T for nudity and a couple of swears. Oneshot


**In Bed with Red**

Or the morning after the night before

**Disclaimer: **I asked Santa for the rights to Harry Potter last Christmas. I wanted nothing more than to be able to officially say that "The Epilogue chapter was Rowling Trolling the world, it worked." But alas, I then remembered that the big red f*cker isn't real. Such a shame.

…~oOo~…

The harsh crack of a house elf disapperating from his room sent pain lancing through his skull. _Aren't they supposed to be quiet?_ Draco asked himself as he peeled one of his eyes open just enough to squint towards the window.

Sunlight was flowing into the room through the tall window panes, causing Draco's alcohol addled brain to recoil in pain and confusion. With an almost vampiric hiss, Draco rolled over, averting his eyes from the offensive glare of the day.

Midway through his movement, Draco was impeded by something warm and soft, something on _his_ side of the king sized bed. Honestly, it was like some deity was out to get him today!

Managing to twist around enough to get a good look at the source of his frustrations he found himself looking at the slender back of a woman. Her pearly skin was dotted with freckles, especially over her shoulders, and her head was surrounded by a halo of red hair.

"Nice," Draco mumbled to himself as he slid an arm around her slim waist, no longer annoyed by her position in the bed. "Doesn't explain why you're in bed, but you won't find me complaining."

He was just about to pull himself closer when the woman in his arms rolled over, her face turning towards him. Draco screamed.

The shriek caused her eyes to snap open. Quickly taking in her situation, her foot shot out and shoved Draco cleanly off the bed.

Draco struggled to his feet in time to see Ginny Weasley diving for her wand on the bedside table. _Oh shit…_

Realising that he was just a few moments away from some serious pain, Draco did the only logical thing to do given the situation. He jumped onto the bed and belly flopped down on the little Weasley.

"What the fuck, Malfoy!" she screamed as she struggled underneath him.

In his still semi-drunk state Draco found her writhing to be quite erotic, that is, until she managed to shove her elbow into the side of his head with more force than he would have thought possible for the petit redhead.

Having knocked Malfoy to the side, Ginny lurched once more for her wand. Feeling her hand close around the familiar length of hazel wood, she immediately swung around, firing her infamous bat bogy hex right where Draco had rolled off too. The curse, however, was met by empty air.

With reflexes honed by hours of training in Dumbledore's Army, Ginny pivoted and fired another bat bogy hex. Draco only just managed to move out of the way in time as her spell ripped through the expensive looking curtains.

Having successfully avoided the last two hexes thrown his way, Draco had now positioned himself close enough to the bedside table to make a dive for his wand. Unfortunately for him, while he did manage to close his hand on the familiar piece of hawthorn wood, he also received a well-aimed bludgeoner to his ribs.

Falling backwards in shock and pain, Draco only managed to recover in time to fire of a quick trio of stunners towards his opponent to halt her advance. Although she easily dodged all three, the time that she spent moving was time she was not capitalizing on Draco's disadvantage.

Pulling himself to his feet, he dropped into a proper duelling stance and the two naked enemies began their fight in earnest.

Ginny's first spell was (predictably) her signature bat bogy hex. Draco easily ducked out of the way of the spell and returned fire with a quick spell chain which consisted of shield breakers and simple curses that would impair her movement such as Tarantallegra, Locomotor Mortis, and Petrificus Totalus. Of course, casting nonverbally eliminated the problem that came with using spells with a large number of syllables.

Ginny was able to dodge a great many of Draco's spells, however his frequent shield breakers meant that actively blocking the incoming spell fire was impossible. Instead she opted to take a leg-locker curse in order to retaliate with a wide area banisher.

Draco's eyes widened in shock as in what should have been a moment of victory he found himself being basted back through his bedroom window.

"_Aresto Momentum!_" Draco bellowed out, whacking himself with his wand as he tumbled towards the ground. Thankfully the spell worked and Draco landed painlessly. That was soon followed by him banishing the broken glass all around him and a mad dash to get back inside the mansion.

"_Confringo!_" Draco bellowed as he reached the door to his room. The door and a large section of wall were all blasted inwards by his powerful spell. He moved purposefully into the room, ready to continue the fight. Ginny, however, was nowhere to be seen.

On the other side of the manor, Ginny was striding purposefully towards the edge of the wards that would prevent her from apparating away from Malfoy Manor. She undone the leg-locker curse on her legs, summoned her clothes and left as soon as she had blasted Malfoy through the window.

"Well that teaches me to go drinking in the same pub as Draco bloody Malfoy," she muttered to herself as she reached the edge of the wards. A moment later had vanished to the tell tale crack of displaced air that accompanied dissaparition.

…~oOo~…

**A.N.** Well you've now read my silly little take on the Draco/Ginny pairing. Namely that it has no chance =P. I've read a few good D/G fics but on the whole the two of them don't stand up to much scrutiny (my opinion, feel free to disagree).

Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed the absolute lack of romance, anger, and spellfire that came about as a result of the two hooking up on a night filled with alcohol and probably some sort of wizard drug.


End file.
